Common Self-Care Warning Signs and 5 Inspiring Ideas for Women Over 40.

Janine’s life had become overly busy so when I asked her what type of thing she did to look after her own needs or self care, she laughed.

“I spend my days looking after my responsibilities towards my job, family and life admin. There’s simply no time to think about me and what I need,”

Even if life isn’t overly busy, I find it very common for women over 40 to discover that they’re living a life that’s far from inspiring.

For me and the women I coach, practicing self care is hard. It takes time management and prioritisation of ourselves which can be tricky. It requires the ability to say ‘no' or ‘not yet’ to requests, invitations or demands.

It requires self esteem because it requires us to put ourself on our ‘things to do’ list.

If we do it, it can create miracles though. It can see us:

• Lose the excess weight we thought was with us for the rest of our lives.
  

• Move out of unhealthy relationships and toxic jobs.
  

• Finally believe we’re worth getting the support we need to change location; start dating or developing new hobbies or friendships. Ones that feel supportive, mutual and that help create new joy and rhythm at mid- life.

When we practice self care, we create a new friendship with ourself.

Many women over 40 tell me they feel overweight, stressed out, bored, lonely, irritable or just full of meno -angst.  They’re just not experiencing life they way they had imagined. Together, we look at what’s going on for them and design a new lifestyle that supports who they want to be now.

Having that confidential confidante gives us the structure, accountability and courage to get out of toxic jobs and relationships as well as drop the habits that drain us. 

Author and life coach, Cheryl Richardson calls it extreme self care.

When we start questioning if boredom, exhaustion and burn out are acceptable ways for us to be living, that’s a sign we’re listening to our wisest self.

And when we think differently, we naturally find that weight comes off, energy returns, as does new confidence, a lifted mood, new friendships, new hobbies and even new jobs, such is the power of really listening to what our life’s telling us. 

Self care is really an act of giving to yourself AND your nearest and dearest because it’s not selfish - your loved ones benefit when you start getting to know and love yourself.

And midlife’s a great time to do that.

Might life be inviting you to consider this right now?

There are times when I stray far from my ‘Absolute Yes’ list- the list of things I know nourish me body, mind and spirit. 

To support me in sticking to my good plans, I am blessed to have good friends who I can be real with; a wonderful coach who keeps me accountable to my ‘Absolute Yes List’ and an insightful, loving partner whom I’ve given my full permission to raise a ‘self care needed now’ flag if he thinks it necessary!

So when might extreme self care be necessary at midlife?

COMMON EARLY WARNING SIGNS

Both myself and the women I coach have experienced at least one of the following signs that tell us we are in dire need of a self care reset.

They’re signs we’re straying far away from a life we truly love.

1. We’re overdoing junk food, booze or screen time to cope with stress, loneliness or boredom. 
   

2. We ignore day time hunger and press on through busy days only to binge -eat in the evenings in the privacy of our homes.
   

3. We’re feeling exhausted and secretly resentful and feel like it’s all give, give, give.
   

4. We feel like a bloated, tired, aching version of ourself.
   

5. We fantasise about running away from it all sometimes. 
   

6. We think all this self care stuff sounds good but we don’t have time for it. In my experience, those who don’t have time for it need it most.
   

7. Self care sounds too selfish. This is a sign of being an over -giver which is detrimental to wellbeing and is unsustainable. If this is you, you are a lovely person -the kind the world needs more of. All I’d ask is - what if you started including yourself in your list of people you love and care for?
   

8. We’re too tired to floss. Even once a week.
   

9. We feel scattered and unable to focus through the day.
   

10. We look pale and have big energy dips throughout the day and need sweets or snacks to sustain our afternoons.
    

11. We start cursing at inanimate objects!  
    

So what to do if you recognise yourself here?

Don’t panic. See it as a nudge from your wisest self that it’s time to try bumping yourself up to the top of your priorities for just one week and notice what happens. 

Expect push back. Expect raised eye brows. 

That’s ok. It means you’re changing.  

Learning how to say no without being hurtful is not easy but it can be done.

5 Inspiring Ideas for Self Care after 40.

Here are some great examples of self care my clients have told me gave them back their sanity, sense of calm and even helped repair energy levels and relationships.

1. Taking a day or afternoon off work and planning a date with yourself. Take an afternoon epsom salt bath and read a great book - the one you’ve been meaning to but never find the time for…Go for a long hike in your favourite place or just zone out at the spa or at the cinema, alone or with a pal. 

The main thing is that you do something you’d never normally give yourself permission to actually do! I find it endlessly fascinating to learn what my clients find relaxing ! One woman told me she finds creating excel spreadsheets relaxing!!

I know! Whatever floats your boat, I say!

Do something you think you can’t make time for. It should even feel a little bit naughty and like you’re ‘colouring outside the lines’ of your normal routine.

Your inner child will thank you!

2. Allowing yourself to get the new bed, bike or time saving, nutrition- enhancing kitchen gadget (like a Nutri bullet or food processor) that you really want so that making healthy, home cooked food is a joy, not a chore.

3. Booking a monthly massage for the next three months and see if that is something you want to prioritise in favour of less healthy coping strategies for stress.

4. Going for a dip in the sea with a group of friends old or new. (i just did this -it was terrifying and cold and wonderful.) Hello inner 8 year old, you’re still there!

5. Preparing for and doing a 3 day cleanse at home (I just did one with my partner and we ate delicious juices, smoothies and whole food, plant based meals for 3 days.) We had great fun trying out new ingredients and recipes and honestly, did NOT feel hungry once! 

And no, we didn’t skip the coffee. 

‘Progress, not perfection’ I say :)

As my favourite coach, Cheryl Richardson. says 

“A high quality life starts with a high quality you.” 

So what stands out for you here, lovely? 

It’s important to steward the finite energy and time we have towards our self care so we can give back to a world that needs caring people like you more than ever.