Stop dieting and do this instead.

Last weekend, I was doing my usual spring clean and took an unnamed box down from the loft. I opened it and was immediately filled with mixed emotions as I looked inside…

A small collection of beautiful clothing from my younger years which I’d bought in chic overseas boutiques on my travels around the world as a 30 something manager in the airline industry…

“Aww these are lovely tops and skirts and I remember the fabulous little store I bought this from in Chennai!” I explained to my partner as I pulled out each item. 

Still in great condition, I felt sad to realise they would no longer fit me.

I regularly de-clutter and give things to charity so why had I kept these perfect but unnecessary clothes? “What’s behind this?”I thought, staring at the box..

I realised I must have been keeping them for that magical day when I’d get my pre -children, 30 something figure back..

Asking myself this question (which a dear friend who is a Marie Kondo professional organiser gave me) really helped me let go.

“Does this item bring you joy?”

Whilst I still loved the clothing I’d unopened, the whole scenario did not in fact bring me joy and so I knew I was ready to let them go!

I held them to me one last time and blessed them with love as I boxed them up for charity, silently reflecting that I'm no longer the 30 something who used to wear them and I’m perfectly ok with that!

It was good to see the old clothes and I will always remember buying and wearing them but letting them go made me feel more spacious and I realised that it’s time to really embrace where I’m at now in my life..

As I loaded the boxes for the charity shop, my inner voice asked, "so if I'm no longer the woman who wore these clothes, who do I want to be now as a Mum of 52?" 

Focussing on living up to that potential is MUCH more inspiring than looking at the old clothes and lamenting, “I want to weigh 9 stones like I used to”

I thought about something Cheryl Richardson said she realised at mid-life:

“ I want to finally live at peace in my body.” 

This statement immediately changes everything. There’s no more judgement of body image and instead a more authentic, loving inner dialogue that changes how we think, feel and behave.

No more hating our reflection in the mirror or seeing ourself in photos and criticising every wrinkle and misplaced strand of hair….

With this approach, We:

• Nourish ourselves, we don’t diet.

• Focus on getting enough protein and healthy fats instead of restriction and we see food as nourishment not as something to feel bad about or starve ourselves from. 

• Fuel our minds by thinking about who we listen to; what we read and watch.

• Notice where our time and energy goes and steer it towards life enhancing people, places and things.

• Are not selfish but we attend to our genuine needs so we can give more to others without resentment and exhaustion.

• Pay attention to what suits us as an individual - we don’t say “My husband’s doing well on keto” and then assume it will be good for us. We recognise that we’re a woman over 40 and we have our own needs so we practice self compassion and let go of past mistakes and habits that no longer work for us. 

• Don’t blame others or ourselves - we forgive mistakes and release them. For example if we notice we’ve been using unhelpful coping strategies for stress like overeating or over drinking - we practice self- compassion and ask for help to let these habits go. 

You can start wherever you are and however far way you are from the life and body you'd like to have.

Your body loves you and is doing its absolute best to care for you every day. 

Read that again. Your body is on your side and is doing its best to love and care for you. So no more hating yourself when you see your reflection. No more judging your belly, bum or thighs. If there's fat there, re-frame it as a sign that you need to practise more self compassion, self love and self care. 

When we resolve to live at peace in our body, we start thinking differently and the weight loss journey feels inspiring and becomes an act of SUPREME SELF CARE instead of diets and deprivation. 

It’s about getting to know ourselves deeply- about taking the time to notice what we do and don't like and being curious about ourselves in every way, psychologically, socially and just looking at our lives and noticing what’s crying out for change. 

Take a look at the self care wheel here. If you’ve got weight to lose or a habit to change, I know for sure there’s an area of self care here that deserves your attention. 

Self care is any act that prioritises your welling and it looks different for each person at different times in our lives. Right now, I’m practising self care by following my own yoga videos and drinking home made juices every day to ramp up nutrition. I’ve also started to put better boundaries around my use of my phone at night time because screen addiction is a thing and I value my sleep :)

What about you? Which area of the wheel feels most critical to your self care right now?

Next time you see yourself in the mirror or in a photo, notice what you say to yourself. I know it’s hard. If you can't bring yourself to like what you see, can you simply say “I appreciate my body and all that it does for me?” 

Because when you start speaking in a loving voice to yourself, you’re much more likely to eat for nourishment than binge on rubbish and start the whole shame spiral. Try it out and let me know how you get on.